I was in a meeting recently supporting a selection committee who were given the privilege of choosing their next CEO. In our orientation we talked about bias and the need to be self-aware of blind spots. As we went around the table sharing perspectives, a member we’ll call Alex said, “Jill, you don’t have to worry about me. I have no bias”. Alex had been around the organization for a decade. She was respected for her expertise in IT and would play a vital role in this process as the new CEO would be shepherding the installation of a new enterprise-wide system. In that instant, I was worried about Alex. Without knowing it, she had revealed a cardinal challenge many leaders face: lack of self-awareness.
How did Alex get here? She was experienced and had excellent technical know-how. She told me later that she’d done “the work” of developing herself as a leader. She’d attended leadership programs where reflection was encouraged, completed assessments to examine habits, and received feedback to illuminate new behaviours. While these well-intentioned approaches had likely exposed behaviours, she hadn’t developed the practices to make the shift to move from being self-absorbed to being self-aware.
Self-awareness illuminates patterns that shape behaviour, but leadership growth only emerges when a leader learns how to respond differently in the moment. A leader may recognize a behaviour that narrows a discussion and still return to it when the moment becomes tense or uncertain or they may recognize a tendency to step in and resolve tension before others have had the opportunity to explore their thinking. The awareness is present, but self-revelation is lacking.
Unlocking Self-Revelation
This is where the key next step of self-awareness kicks in: leaders need to take the feedback and process it to unlock self-revelation. That's what produces the change. There’s good reasons why leaders hide in the processes of leadership development. Look into the mirror and Frankenstein or The Bride! may be staring back at you. You tell yourself, “That can’t be me”, yet, as team members see how you act under pressure, for example, they may back away slowly, not wanting a tirade or passive aggressive behaviours that derail work.
Developing self-revelation begins with a thoughtful understanding of what we bring to a room but then transforms into that a-ha moment where we actually get into action and take action. In many respects leaders today possess a deeper level of self-awareness than earlier generations have been encouraged to cultivate. They speak openly about the experience they bring to yet don't recognize that it's these familiar experiences that continue to unduly influence leadership conversations. We’ve all experienced the leader who says, “We made a good decision last quarter and I want to stick with it”. Problem is experience isn't the the best teacher here. In these days of complexity, even decisions made a few months ago may be out of touch.
These decision loops reveal an important truth about leadership development. In leadership workshops I often hear thoughtful leaders describe patterns they recognize in themselves but that as far as it goes. Leaders need to work deliberately to break free of these patterns rather than simply encountering them. Looking for new angles, understanding perspectives and seeing around corners only come when we apply the practices of self-revelation. Insight may create clarity but it’s only practice that creates leadership change.
Here are a few practices you can use to translate self-awareness into self-revelation:
Tool One: Name the Pattern
Ask yourself, "Do I intentionally call out my behaviours?"
Self-revelation happens when we are precise in giving our behaviour a clear description. I worked with a leader whose team gave her the moniker, “The Purple Pen”, because she made so many edits and tweaks to their documents. She might not have appreciated it, but her team actually did her a favour, calling out this pattern. When she shared this name with me, it opened a door in our coaching for her to act on the problem and put the pen down. Psychologist Daniel Goleman, whose work on emotional intelligence reshaped our understanding of leadership, demonstrated that leaders who name behavioural patterns gain greater capacity to guide their responses with intention. When a pattern receives a clear name, it becomes easier to recognize in the moment rather than only in hindsight. Precision brings awareness closer to action.
Tool Two: Recognize Triggers
Ask yourself, "In what situations does this behaviour most often appear?"
Leadership habits can become defensive fall backs for leaders who are afraid to get out of their comfort zone or change the status quo. Look out for triggers like time pressures, difficult conversations or unanticipated competitor moves to cause defensive rather than solution seeking behaviour. In these moments your first impulse may be to restore clarity and direction, but it may be that the team needs soak time to mull the problem over before they get into action. Organizational learning scholar Chris Argyris explored this dynamic through his research on defensive routines in organizations. His work revealed that people often rely on familiar responses when their competence or authority feels challenged. Leaders who learn to recognize these circumstances gain valuable insight into the conditions that awaken new habits. The situation itself becomes the signal that invites reflection.
Tool Three: Create the Leadership Pause
Ask yourself, "What response best serves the moment?"
Recognizing patterns and triggers are a leader’s best opportunity to change, yet so many squander it. When you find yourself in a sticky situation, step back and take a pause. Get to the root of the matter by asking yourself why you might be feeling uncomfortable or stressed out. In his work on learning organizations, systems thinker Peter Senge, described this discipline as reflecting in action.
Leaders who cultivate this discipline slow their immediate reactions long enough to examine assumptions and invite broader thinking. They may host one-on-one meetings, roundtables or town halls to check the pulse of team members and gauge the appetite for various courses of action. These moments of thoughtful restraint open space for richer dialogue and stronger decisions, nurturing a more open and creative culture. The big self-revelation here is that leadership becomes an act of guiding learning rather than directing outcomes.
Self-awareness illuminates the patterns that shape leadership. So as you move into your plans for the next quarter, listen to your gut, identify patterns, recognize the conditions that awaken them, and choose responses that strengthen the collective intelligence of the team.
Where might self-awareness be inviting you to practice leadership in a new way today?